In the Mind of a Fish

Believing in Santa Clause was not a difficult thing to do. As far as I know, he existed in my memory for my whole life until the day I lost faith in him. I can't really say what day that was, or even what year. I just know that I didn't believe in him when I was in school and I wasn't surprised that he didn't exist and that everyone who proclaimed his existence while I was younger were now all of the same opinion that I was.

I wasn't happy about the lack of faith in this person because the results were not as pleasant as when I believed in him. I no longer received gifts from him. Instead, I was now to take part in the giving of gifts myself. It was a natural conversion just like moving from the time before thought into that time I thought about things. I never realized that time was coming or that it had passed, but it did. One day I had a difficult time communicating with people and some time later, there was no problem doing so. These changes were just a movement from one room to another in ease and that is what it was like moving from faith in SC to knowing that he doesn't and probably never did exist.

I don't remember a time when I started trusting my parents or my teachers or my friends. I think that is because trust is not a difficult thing to have. To not have faith requires work while having faith is just a natural process of living. When I drive my car, I don't refuse to get in to it because I think it will blow up or it will break down. I just get in it and start the engine and drive it. I have faith in that machine. When it doesn't run right, I am surprised.

But, if the car never ran when I tried to start it even after getting it repaired, I would begin to doubt its claim that it can be reliable and start looking elsewhere for a form of transportation I can rely on or have faith in.

When we sit down to a table to eat, we don't test each item chemically to determine if the food is spoiled or poisoned. This is even true when we eat at McDonalds or Taco Bell. We just trust that the food is good to eat and are surprised and even angry when the food wasn't as we expected because our trust was violated and we can even feel vulnerable. We need faith in order to live our lives. It's when we are always afraid that we aren't able to live.